2017 Goals

Here I am again. Life has uprooted me and I stopped blogging all together. I found myself in a whole life slump. Nothing has had meaning, purpose or drive. You can ask anyone, I haven't been a ray of sunshine in a gloomy world. But I'm going to try again. After all that's all we can do right? 

         

 🚘

For almost the last year we have been in a small town in Kentucky. I left my dream town on the Oregon Coast to support my husband in his job as he progresses in the forest service. Saying it's been hard is an understatement.

 I have lost almost all my motivation and drive for life. It has taken everything inside of me just to wake up every morning and go about my day. I try every day to put a smile on my face and pretend that everything is hunky dory and going amazing, but inside me I feel like the world is crashing down around me. Now, so many people would say, "suck it up, it's only as bad as you make it. Put a smile on your face. Stop moping around." Let me explain something about people with anxiety and depression... It's not that they don't see the good around them, and it's not that they don't want to be happy about that good. It's not even that they don't try to be happy in all the good around them. For some reason, and I wish I could explain it in perfect terms so everyone understood, even though there is good all around us, the smallest amount of bad, sad, stress, frustration quickly consumes our minds and we can't do anything. We are paralyzed from the inside out. The only thing we can do is keep on trying, keep on striving and keep on trying to push through the paralysis, and hope that someone will understand, and if they don't understand won't judge. 

So here goes my desire and push to have a better year. One where I can look back and say I overcame my anxiety and depression a little better this year. 

Before I write my goals down I do want people to know that I do acknowledge the good that has happened in my life. 

1. I live in a lot nicer house in Kentucky.

2. Rent is much cheaper here. (So we have a place that's the same size as in Oregon and is more but is completely brand new on the inside.)

3. We are more financially stable.

4. My girls can be in a really amazing gymnastics program where they are progressing and one is even competing. 

5. I have a music room. (Dream come true)

6. I started my Masters in Vocal Performance and will be done by spring of 2018 (huge deal) AND got straight A's my first semester.



So here goes my 2017

1. Compete in a Spartan race in July
2. Get straight A's for the remainder of Grad School. 
3. Find Joy living in Kentucky
4. Become happy with my body image again.